Just a Temporary Setback
by lilmm
Summary: AU. For two weeks after receiving his rejection letter from NYADA Kurt felt completely adrift. A brief conversation with an old enemy awakens new possibilities and maybe even a new life path. Not Kurtofsky.
1. Prologue

So, I originally came up with this idea about a week and a half after last season's finale and was just about to post the first part of it when my flash drive decided to become evil. (No, seriously, it's evil now. We tried to run a few diagnostics on it and my brother's computer instantly shut itself down in the ultimate act of self defense.) This has been a weird year, so I'm only now getting around to retyping what I fortunately printed out beforehand and filling in the remaining details. Hopefully I'll have the rest of this out in the next couple of weeks.

**Warning:** This fic contains mentions of suicide and other things you might call a crisis center for. I tried not to be terribly specific, but if you're afraid it might trigger you, proceed with caution.

**I don't own Glee.**

* * *

**Prologue**

(From: David Karofsky at 12:42 am)

_Hey, are you up? Can you talk?_

(From: Kurt at 12:43 am)

_Blaine's sleeping. I can text._

(From: David Karofsky at 12:46 am)

_Are you over at his house?_

(From: Kurt at 12:46 am)

_No. He's at mine, not that it matters. Why?_

(From: David Karofsky at 12:47 am)

_Your dad lets him sleep over?_

(From: Kurt at 12:47 am)

_Dave_

(From: David Karofsky at 12:48 am)

_Sorry_

(From: Kurt at 12:50 am)

_What did you want to talk about?_

(From: David Karofsky at 12:51 am)

_Just needed a distraction._

(From: Kurt at 12:51 am)

_From what? What's going on?_

(From: David Karofsky at 12:53 am)

_I tried signing on to Facebook again tonight_

(From: Kurt at 12:54 am)

_And your wall was a mess of hate?_

(From: David Karofsky at 12:54 am)

_Yeah._

(From: David Karofsky at 12:55 am)

_Especially from Azimio. He said he never wants to talk to me again but he won't stop saying crap online._

(From: Kurt at 12:55 am)

_I'm sorry. I could say he's an idiot, but he was your friend, so that probably doesn't help much._

(From: Kurt at 12:57 am)

_The only thing I can think of is that you could delete your Facebook and stuff and make new accounts when you leave for college. I doubt he'll still care enough to search you out by then. Deleting everything could be enough to make him think he's won without really giving him anything important._

(From: David Karofsky at 12:57 am)

_It's such a hassle. I shouldn't have to do that._

(From: Kurt at 12:58 am)

_No. You shouldn't. But you need to protect yourself first. It might be your best option._

(From: David Karofsky at 12:58 am)

_Maybe_

(From: Kurt at 1:00 am)

_You're not a bad person, Dave._

(From: Kurt at 1:02 am)

_You made mistakes in the past, but so has everyone. You don't deserve anyone's cowardly hate messages. I don't care who they are._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:05 am)

_I just don't know how to deal with it._

(From: Kurt at 1:06 am)

_Day by day until you leave and things get better. Which is sooner than me now actually._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:06 am)

_You're staying in Lima?_

(From: Kurt at 1:08 am)

_For now. It'll give me more time to save up for New York if I stay another year._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:10 am)

_I always thought you'd be the first to leave. It's part of why I used to hate you so much._

(From: Kurt at 1:11 am)

_I will leave. Next year. Blaine's still in highschool anyway._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:12 am)

_You're not just staying for him though, are you?_

(From: Kurt at 1:13 am)

_No. he hasn't asked me to. He won't. i'm just staying._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:15 am)

_Are you gonna be ok?_

(From: Kurt at 1:16 am)

_Shouldn't i be asking you that?_

(From: David Karofsky at 1:17 am)

_Talking to you helped._

(From: Kurt at 1:17 am)

_Good. I'm gladd. And yes, I'll be ok_

(From: David Karofsky at 1:19 am)

_Your typing's starting to suck. I should let you go to sleep._

(From: Kurt at 1:20 am)

_Are you gpnna be okay?_

(From: David Karofsky at 1:20 am)

_Yeah._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:20 am)

_Night Kurt._

(From: Kurt at 1:21 am)

_Night_

(From: Kurt at 1:21 am)

_Text me in the morning, ok?_

(From: David Karofsky at 1:22 am)

_Sure. Go cuddle with your boyfriend or something. You're lucky to have him._

(From: Kurt at 1:23 am)

_i am. You'll get one too someday yu know._

(From: David Karofsky at 1:24 am)

_Yeah. Later._

(From: Kurt at 1:24 am)

_Goodnight Dave_

* * *

My apologies if this part was difficult/confusing to read; the website keeps fucking with my formatting. I promise, this is the only major texting portion of the fic.


	2. Part One

So I apparently have no concentration skills during the work week and as a result the rest of this will take longer than I thought to get out. Sorry.

**Warning:** This fic contains mentions of suicide and other things you might call a crisis center for. I tried not to be terribly specific, but if you're afraid it might trigger you, proceed with caution.

* * *

**Part One**

Kurt took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and walked through the door.

The office was neat enough, clearly decorated by some rushed, middle-aged woman about ten years ago and not updated much since, but despite the bland walls and uninspired décor it managed to feel homey and welcoming. Everyone working there was dressed casually, some of them in dresses or khakis, but all of them in clothes more appropriate for a summer barbeque than what Kurt expected to see in an office. He felt distinctly overdressed in his designer suit and dress shoes but shrugged it off. As long as his clothes didn't prejudice these people against him, he was used to being the best-dressed person in the room.

He told himself that this was just an interview, that the job itself barely qualified as a paid position, but after two weeks of wandering his house aimlessly, feeling increasingly sorrier for himself and rejecting every suggestion thrown his way, Kurt couldn't abide the thought of not getting it. He needed to feel useful to more than just his dad and Carole. He needed something outside of himself to work toward. And as much as he appreciated his dad letting Blaine sleep over three times that first week and again just last night, he needed to stop crying himself to sleep against his boyfriend's shoulder.

It was done. He wasn't getting into the school of his dreams and he hadn't made a backup plan worthy of his attention so now he had no choice but to pick himself back up and improvise a new dream. There were worse things he could be worrying about, after all.

Kurt thought proudly that he was getting rather good at improvising new life plans, and as long as he didn't dwell on all the reasons why he was getting so good at it he could hold his head up and be the amazing person he knew he was.

It was a blessing in disguise that Kurt was stuck in Lima for one more year.

Really, it was.

Staying in Lima solved all those pesky relationship problems Kurt never wanted to talk to Blaine about, was too afraid to actually voice despite Blaine trying to bring them up again and again. He could play a much better supportive boyfriend to Blaine's bid for senior class president if he was in town than he could have from 600 miles away. He could be there for _all_ of Blaine's important senior year moments, actually, the same way Blaine was there for his, no long-distance drama necessary.

Besides, the year off gave him more time to pad his resume, to prove to schools other than NYADA that he belonged there, that they wanted him.

Next year he and Blaine could move to New York together. Next year everything would finally fall into place. Next year their lives could begin.

As for everything else, he could handle it, he could adapt to what life had thrown at him. Getting this job would be the first step in working toward his new dream life. He just had to get through the interview first.

Without the slightest tremor in his voice, Kurt introduced himself to the person working closest to the door and tried not to bite his lip when she went to get the woman who would be interviewing him.

He could do this.

* * *

Melinda Roberts was very much a no nonsense type of person. Even before they met Kurt could tell she cared passionately about her job simply by the way she answered his emails, but there was something striking about meeting her in real life.

When she walked into the room most of the employees sat up a little straighter, worked a little harder. Despite that, she didn't seem terribly disagreeable. When she firmly but politely shook his hand and led him to her office Kurt felt a very strong maternal vibe rolling off her. Perhaps it was the way she carried herself, which distantly reminded Kurt of his own mother. Or perhaps it was the way she looked; she had a kind face behind her stress lines.

In a way that almost overrode his desire to be hired, Kurt wanted Melinda to like him.

"Thank you for coming in so quickly," she said, shuffling a stack of papers off to one side of her desk before raising her eyes to look directly at him.

"Of course," Kurt replied, hoping his voice sounded business-like instead of nervous. It wasn't going any higher than usual, anyway. "I'll admit I wasn't expecting an interview today when I only answered your ad this morning, but I guess this way cuts out all of that awkward waiting time," he grinned weakly. Melinda smiled tightly at him but gave nothing else away.

"It does do that. Let's get on with things then. This interview will take place in two parts. First I'll explain a bit more about what we do here and answer any questions you might have, then I have some questions for you. If you get hired you will have a one month paid probation period during which you will be trained and further assessed for your abilities as a response caller. It's not easy and not everyone is up to the task. There's no shame in that, but there are lives on the line, so both for your sake and for theirs we want to be sure you can handle it."

"No, of course," Kurt said quickly, swallowing down the nervous bile that was trying to creep up his throat.

"At the We Care Crisis Center we are often the first line of defense in helping the people of Allen, Auglaize and Hardin counties get treatment and prevention education on issues ranging from anxiety, depression and suicide to drug and alcohol abuse to sexual, physical and emotional abuse. We work with adults, teenagers and children, but as a screener you would be trained to work with the teens and kids.

"We have mental health professionals on staff to help guide people safely through their crises, so a large part of your job would actually be to determine what kind of help a specific individual might need and to set up a plan for them to get it. Some only need brief therapy or a linkage into the system of care, but others are in need of immediate crisis counseling or short-term inpatient care.

"Whatever issues are at hand we strive to assist people in recognizing their own strengths and assets and to realize that their future will be better than their present. It takes strength, good judgment and, most of all, compassion."

Kurt felt his heart racing in his chest as Melinda spoke. If he had known about this place in his junior year would he have coped with what happened to him earlier? If Dave had known about it would he still have attempted suicide? The What If game was dangerous, but so tempting.

To think he could have an impact on kids going through things similar to what he went through, worse than what he went through in some cases, and help them come out on the other side with higher self-esteem and self-awareness was a heady idea. It was also incredibly daunting. Kurt wondered yet again if he was up to the task.

"So," Melinda said, breaking through his thoughts. "Do you have any questions for me?"

Kurt opened his mouth to speak but found his throat dry and his mind suddenly blank of anything but a constant refrain of _Can I do this? Can I do this? Am I really capable of this?_

"Um."

That did not sound the least bit intelligent.

"I did, but I can't remember what they were just now," he offered numbly.

"All right," Melinda said. Kurt thought he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes before she looked down at a piece of paper he recognized as his resume. "So, according to your resume you just graduated high school. This isn't exactly your typical summer job before college."

"No, it's not," Kurt agreed.

"Actually, you didn't mention what college you're going to on your resume or in your cover letter. Are you not planning to go?"

"No, I am, I just. I stupidly applied to only one school last fall and recently found out they didn't want me, so I'm planning to take the summer to reevaluate my options. I've got a stack of brochures at home from schools both here in Ohio and in New York to go through and I plan to start at one of those next spring or maybe even the following fall."

"Ohio _and _New York?"

"Big city dreams," Kurt shrugged. "And I really do need to get out of Ohio at some point."

He paused, steeling himself before continuing since he knew he'd have no protections if Melinda decided not to hire him after what he was about to say, but Kurt was not going to hide a part of himself just to get a job, especially not a job like this.

"I'm not in a huge rush to leave. My family is here and my boyfriend is still in high school at McKinley for the next year, but I really don't belong here. Most places in town I hardly feel like I'm welcome simply because I don't fit in to the heteronormative standards of what a man is or what a man should like or do. I've fought against that my entire life and while I like to think I've had some small impact on changing the way people think, at least at my high school and with some of my dad's friends, I am looking forward to moving to a place where I don't have to fight quite so hard every single day just to be who I am."

Melinda looked at him sternly. "As I mentioned before, working here is a fight and it's unfortunately not one we're always able to win."

"I understand that," Kurt said quickly. "But it's a different sort of fighting, I guess, fighting to help someone see they're worth something when everyone around them might be telling them the opposite. It's something I can relate to in various ways from my own experiences, but it's not something I'm fighting for in my own life right now. Not in the same way I used to. So that makes it different somehow."

Melinda regarded him closely but didn't offer any hint of her reaction. "Would you be willing to tell me more about the experiences you had which could help you relate to our callers?"

Kurt took a steadying breath before he answered. He'd known the subject would probably come up and was ready for it. Whether he got the job or not, Kurt knew that if he put his past out there it might at least help Melinda relate to what other kids were going through and try to do something about it. It needed to be said.

"Well, like I mentioned before, I haven't exactly had the easiest time growing up here. I was bullied a lot for being gay, even before I came out. I was also probably bullied for being the kind of gay I am: effeminate and interested in fashion and Broadway musicals and all that. I hid what I was going through from my dad, but everyone else… no one seemed to notice or care. The teachers would walk by without saying anything or stopping it; other students would put their heads down and rush past. It was just known that if you weren't at the top of the social pyramid that's what happened to you. You were bullied. But after a while it started to feel like I was being bullied more than anyone else I knew, that I was being targeted specifically for who and what I am. And, despite that, I was still expected to shrug it off and get on with things like everyone else.

"When the bullying was at its worst, I-I never really let myself consider actively committing suicide, but the thought crossed my mind more than once that if anything happened that might end up with me dead… I started to think that maybe I wouldn't fight it, that I _shouldn't_ fight it, that maybe my dad and everyone else would be better off without me around. I'm not normally that kind of person, but I started thinking about it more and more… it was terrifying."

Kurt looked down at his hands and gathered his thoughts for a moment, glad he could finally talk about it without tears stinging his eyes. He counted it progress.

"Fortunately, about the same time I started to feel the most hopeless, things started to turn around for me. I got support from people I had stopped expecting to support me and my dad transferred me to another school for a while, a school with a strict no bullying policy. I met my boyfriend there.

"It helped a lot knowing that I had so many people willing to stand in my corner, even if it took most of them a while to realize they had to be there. I don't think I'd be as strong in myself as I am now if I hadn't had that."

Melinda smiled kindly at him and even though she didn't say anything at first Kurt felt listened to. In a soft, sympathetic voice she asked him her next question.

"What drew your attention to this position? What made you think you wanted to work here?"

Kurt smiled. "When I was trying to figure out things I could do with myself this summer I kept thinking of all the things that have given me hope in the past, and I kept coming back to two of them. One of them was my failed bid for senior class president – which I know doesn't sound very hope-inspiring, but I was running on a campaign that was largely about introducing anti-bullying policies and practices into the culture of the school. I may not have won, but I still believe it's an important issue that needs to be addressed and dealt with.

"People's minds can be changed, society can be changed, and if they're changed in just the right way sometimes it can prevent history from repeating itself. If I can have some sort of role in doing that then I want to help."

He stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a breath before he continued.

"The second thing I kept thinking about, and the one that really inspired me to look into jobs like this one, was my friend, Dave. This also isn't very positive-sounding, actually, but um, he was my primary bully back when things were at their worst. It turned out he was bullying me so intensely because he's gay too, and he didn't want to be so he took it out on me. Anyway, he um, he tried to kill himself a few months ago. He was working on his issues and trying to slowly gear himself up to come out, and I was proud of him for it, but. He got outed at his new school. And the bullying got really bad. He couldn't take it, so he hanged himself. Or he tried to; fortunately his dad found him before it was too late.

"Ever since it happened I haven't been able to stop thinking about how I could have helped him if I had responded to one of his phone calls. I could have worked with him to find some options to get him through until things turned around."

Kurt sniffed, doing his best not to let his emotions get the better of him.

"I visited him in the hospital after it happened, and I talked him through envisioning a future that's better than the present, a future where he has all these wonderful things to look forward to. I think it really helped. I still talk to him most weeks just to make sure he's still doing all right, but I can't help thinking that if I had answered just one of his calls before he did it that he wouldn't have tried in the first place."

Melinda was quiet for a moment and Kurt let the silence hang in the air uninterrupted. He felt drained.

"Why didn't you answer any of his calls before the incident?" Melinda asked quietly.

Kurt huffed and shook his head. "I thought he was going to ask me out again. He tried hitting on me on Valentine's Day and – he knows I have a boyfriend, he knew about Blaine before most of my friends did, and he still asked me out. I selfishly thought he wouldn't have any other reason to call me so I ignored him. But ever since… I always answer my phone now, just in case."

Kurt wanted to go home. He knew he'd probably talked himself out of the job. Who applied to work at a prevention hotline and then told the person conducting the interview he'd once purposely ignored a friend in need?

Melinda was still watching him closely.

"Why do want to work at the We Care Crisis Center, Kurt?"

"I want to help people," he said honestly. "I've tried being selfish and going after what I think will give me the most glory and it just doesn't work. Something always goes wrong and I end up feeling worse about myself than I did before I tried. But when I help people, whether it's working as part of a team toward some common goal or talking someone through some emotional upheaval, I feel like I'm actually doing some good for once. Maybe my past has made me more sympathetic to others' plights, I don't know. But I do know from experience that there's hope. And I like to think I can help other people see that too. I don't want to sit around all summer feeling sorry for myself that I didn't get into my dream school, and I'd really rather not languish away in some part time job just to pass the time and earn money. I want to at least try to make some sort of difference. And I thought, maybe I could do that here."

Melinda nodded then stood and extended her hand for him to shake. "I'll call you within the week to let you know whether or not you'll be joining us for training."

Kurt swallowed as he stood and clasped her hand firmly in his.

"Thank you for considering me."

* * *

**A/N: **Although Melinda is my own invention and many of the details of the office are taken from my own work at a non-profit, there is actually a suicide and crisis prevention center in Lima, OH called the We Care Crisis Center. Much of Melinda's description of their services is taken directly from their website, though I fudged a bit to make up the position Kurt is applying for. I hope I got what they do there at least somewhat right.


	3. Part Two

******Warning:** This fic contains mentions of suicide and other things you might call a crisis center for. I tried not to be terribly specific, but if you're afraid it might trigger you, proceed with caution.

* * *

**Part Two**

To: mroberts at thewecarepeople dot org

Subject: Today's interview

Hi Melinda,

Thank you again for seeing me today. I know you must have a lot on your plate.

I would just like to say again how much I want to help people who need it in any way I can. I know I'm young and probably not as experienced as you'd like, but I care. That's the most important thing, right?

I care because I can relate to loneliness clawing at someone's heart despite being surrounded by people. I can relate to someone not trusting that anyone will catch them if they fall. Most importantly, I know that things can and do get better if you just give them a little time. I've done that for my friend Dave and I like to think I can do that for other kids as well.

Thank you for considering me. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best Regards,

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Kurt dropped his bag and collapsed onto the couch.

He felt like such an idiot.

What had made him think there was any possibility he could get a job at someplace like that? He was in serious danger of becoming a Lima Loser, and for all his earlier bravado he couldn't help wondering if he should just start accepting reality and stop reaching for the stars, however close they seemed.

He sighed and stared moodily at the blank television screen.

He was sick of feeling pathetic. It served no purpose he could see other than to make him feel even worse _because_ he was so pathetic, a horrible downward cycle he had no desire to explore any further.

With a huff Kurt stood and collected his things to go upstairs and change out of his suit. There was no sense getting it wrinkled simply because he felt like moping. Again.

He consoled himself that at least Finn wanted to go shopping with him tomorrow. Yes, it was to buy Spartan amounts of basic necessities such as three pairs of white underwear and a six inch comb to take with him to basic training, but Kurt was determined to force his stepbrother into the best products available within the Army's strict guidelines. It would take his mind off of how much he sucked.

Kurt glanced around his room as he carefully hung up his suit and set it aside to be dry cleaned later. Everything was in its place. His bed was perfectly made; his shelves were visually appealing and freshly dust-free; his closet was perfectly organized. There was nothing in the room which should disappoint him, yet he longed to be anywhere but confined within its walls.

His skin buzzed with a pointless energy.

It was so strange to lack a definitive future. His entire life he knew where he needed to go, what he needed to do at almost any given moment in time, but now he had nothing. There was no school to plan for, no glee club to practice for. The summer loomed long and empty ahead of him, something fearful rather than relaxing for the first time in his life.

Kurt felt lost.

With another sigh – he was beginning to annoy himself with them – Kurt flipped purposefully through his closet to find something comfortable yet stylish to wear. He was thinking of something dark, a little bit somber, but something that reminded him of better times. He had a grey N. Hoolywood shirt that would go well with some black jeans and his skull-patterned Alexander McQueen scarf. It was melodramatic but enough in his usual style no one was likely to call him on it. Of course, wearing it entirely depended on his being able to find it.

The longer he looked the more annoyed he became. His closet was perfectly organized. He knew where it should be, yet it wasn't there. It was infuriating. Eventually Kurt was stomping from one side of his closet to the other wearing nothing but his underwear and dress socks surrounded by a debris of clothes and hangers tossed angrily to the floor and he still couldn't find the damn shirt.

Kurt caught sight of himself in his vanity mirror and collapsed to the floor.

It was ridiculous. _He _was ridiculous.

Here he was a mere two weeks out of high school acting like a toddler unable to even dress himself properly. Of course NYADA wanted nothing to do with him.

He didn't bother holding back his tears.

Kurt contemplated burying himself under his bedcovers for the next few weeks until things magically became okay again. He was so tired. His heart hurt and his head ached from how much he'd been crying recently. He knew his skin was a mess.

He just wished he knew what he was supposed to _do_.

Stubbornly, Kurt raised his head and wiped the tear tracks from his face. With his chin held firmly up in an imitation of pride he carefully reassembled his closet and pulled on a striped t-shirt Blaine left at his house a few months ago and some of his more comfortable trousers.

He would go downstairs, eat a late lunch and drive over to Blaine's house. If he was lucky Blaine might cuddle him while they watched whatever reality TV marathon was on Bravo. If he was even luckier Blaine might distract him in other more intimate ways.

He would get through this. He had to. He would take his days a half an hour at a time until things started to turn around again. Which they would.

No matter what happened, Kurt needed to be patient and hope.

* * *

(From: Blaine at 2:33 pm)

_How did your interview go? Did you get the job? _

* * *

Kurt entered Blaine's room quietly. His boyfriend was sprawled across his bed reading something, his legs kicked up behind him as he played with his feet, his toes wriggling to some internal rhythm. The sight tugged at Kurt's heart, making him glad he wouldn't have to miss these unfiltered moments. He smiled softly.

Blaine was worth waiting another year to go to New York. He gave Kurt a reason to stay that didn't feel like some cop out or excuse. He was adorable and sexy and kind. He reinforced all of Kurt's best opinions of himself, even when Kurt wasn't sure he believed them anymore. Kurt was glad he didn't have to risk any of that in a long distance relationship.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Blaine jerked self-consciously and looked over his shoulder, lowering his feet to the bed.

"Hey! I didn't expect to see you again today," he grinned.

"Well, if you need me to clear out so I don't get in the way of your other lovers I can certainly go back home and rearrange my closet for the third time this week," Kurt quipped as light-heartedly as possible.

"I don't think your closet could survive it," Blaine laughed, marking his place in his book and standing to greet Kurt with a kiss. "Besides, the only other lover I'm involved with is Lady Chatterley's, and he's a little too straight for my tastes."

Kurt smiled and kissed him again. He was so glad he wouldn't have to miss Blaine's kisses.

"Mm. How'd your interview go today?" Blaine asked, twining his arms further around Kurt's waist.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well, I don't think I'm getting the job, if that's what you mean."

"Why?" Blaine pulled back. "I've worked with you on your interview skills. You're amazing."

"I don't know," Kurt shrugged. "Just applying there was a long shot to begin with. It doesn't really matter." His heart hurt with the lie.

"But you were so excited this morning. You even broke out your new octopus brooch."

"I know," Kurt sighed, pulling away to sit on the bed. "But thinking about it now, I'm not sure I'm qualified for it."

Blaine narrowed his eyes at him but seemed to decide to go along with his story.

"What was the job anyway?" he asked. "I don't think you ever told me in your excitement to find the perfect interview suit."

"It was to be a screener for the We Care Crisis Center here in town. Basically answering phones and trying to figure out how to get people the help they need. I thought maybe I had the right combination of empathy and steely resolve, but… I don't know. I'll probably just end up working at the Lima Bean or something."

Blaine stared downward, his eyes distant. "I'm sure your interview didn't go as bad as you think."

"Maybe," Kurt sighed. "I'm trying not to get my hopes up just in case. I really don't know what I was thinking. It was only talking to Dave Karofsky that gave me the idea in the first place."

"Karofsky?" Blaine asked, his shoulders tightening and his posture becoming instantly more defensive. Kurt wilted. He didn't want to have this fight again, especially not today.

"Relax. I've just been keeping tabs on him. I need to make sure he's still okay."

"Kurt, I told you before. Nothing that happened to him is your fault."

"I know, I just- Look. It helps me to feel more in control of things, okay? I don't want to get some email or hear third hand that he tried to kill himself again or something. Not when I can maybe help. It's just a couple of texts every week or two, I promise. Nothing more."

Blaine pouted angrily at the floor then shook his head and looked back up at Kurt.

"I just don't want you getting hurt again."

"Blaine-"

"I get where you're coming from, I do. I just don't trust him. I can't after what he did to you."

"He's changed. He's changing."

"I don't care!" Blaine seemed to have startled even himself with the volume of his shout and immediately threw Kurt an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. I just… I love that you're the type of person who can forgive someone like him, but I can't."

"I'm not asking you to forgive him, I'm asking you to trust that I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to get hurt. I'm not even sure how he could hurt me at this point."

Blaine's face crumpled and he moved to sit heavily on the edge of the bed looking totally defeated. This was coming out of nowhere. As far as Blaine was concerned Dave Karofsky hadn't had anything to do with either of them since his suicide attempt in February.

Kurt reached over and took one of his hands in his own. "Honey, what's really going on?"

"I trust you," Blaine whispered, his throat tight.

"Okay."

Blaine was quiet a while longer. "Kurt, how did you find out about the We Care Center? Did Karofsky tell you about it?"

Kurt blinked in surprise. "I Googled it. Actually I Googled suicide prevention hotlines in Ohio and found out from there that it's based in Lima. But no, Karofsky didn't say anything. Why?"

Blaine glanced at him then quickly looked away, debating something with himself. He huffed in frustration then got up to dig something out of one of his desk drawers. It was a pamphlet.

It was a pamphlet Kurt recognized from the ones on display at the Center.

"I had some therapy there. After the Sadie Hawkins dance. Hearing the name just… brought a lot of it back, I guess."

Kurt felt a small leaden ball of dread form in the pit of his stomach. "You never told me that."

Blaine laughed bitterly. "I haven't told you a lot of things from that time in my life. I generally try not to think about it."

"Blaine," Kurt said carefully. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Us knowing absolutely everything about each other isn't exactly a prerequisite for our relationship."

That at least got Blaine to look up at him again.

"If you do ever want to talk about it, though, I'll listen. I won't judge you, I promise."

"It's not you judging me I'm worried about."

"I won't leave you either."

Blaine shook his head. "It's not that I… I don't want your pity."

Kurt's heart broke. Blaine's eyes were filled with such sadness, a deep self-consciousness Kurt knew he possessed but usually tried to ignore because Blaine preferred it that way.

Kurt stood and gathered Blaine into his arms, kissing the side of his neck gently.

"I could never pity you, Blaine. You are so strong and so brave and even though I hate the thought of what you went through, I'm so glad that it eventually led you to me. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. So amazing I usually can't even find the words to properly describe you."

Blaine sniffed and buried his face in Kurt's shoulder, squeezing him tighter, but Kurt could feel the edge of his cheek pulling up in a smile.

"I'm really lucky I got you for a boyfriend," Blaine said when he eventually pulled far enough away from Kurt to speak.

"That makes two of us," Kurt smiled.

Blaine leaned in for another kiss and Kurt met him halfway. He could never foresee a day when he wouldn't want more of Blaine's kisses.

"What do you say we go down to your kitchen and make ourselves a cheesecake?" Kurt said a few minutes later. "I think we could both do with some comfort food right now."

Blaine laughed and squeezed Kurt once more before moving away. "Deal. But I get to lick the spoon."

* * *

Two days later the two of them were out at the mall, wandering through whatever shops caught their attention and shamelessly people-watching when they stopped for snacks at the food court.

Blaine, much to Kurt's relieved annoyance when he first saw him, was wearing Kurt's missing N. Hoolywood shirt with a bright green sweater vest and a yellow and white polka-dotted bowtie. Kurt always got a little jolt of pleasure in his stomach when he saw Blaine wearing his clothes, but this wasn't the first time Blaine had taken something from his closet without asking.

Rather than say anything about it, Kurt twined their hands together and made a joking comment about Finn's complete lack of regard for the finer things in life. He had tried to drag Kurt into _Walmart_ of all places yesterday.

Kurt smiled happily. Despite everything he couldn't have, Kurt felt right with the world, at peace. Things were changing all around him, but today felt like a perfect day. He had his boyfriend, his family, a mango-passion fruit smoothie and an amazing new pair of Diesel boots he just got for a steal.

When his phone buzzed in his pocket Kurt almost didn't answer it, but Blaine was giving him one of his 'be responsible' looks so Kurt pulled it out and felt his heart skip in his chest when he saw the caller id.

"Hello?" he said breathlessly, his hands shaking with a sudden onslaught of nerves. Blaine furrowed his eyebrows at him, but Kurt turned away so he could concentrate on exactly what was said.

"Hello, this is Melinda Roberts from We Care. Is this Kurt?"

"Yes, hi."

"Hi," she said warmly. "I'm calling to offer you the screener position here at the Center. How does that sound to you?"

"Oh my god," Kurt breathed. "That's, that's amazing. Thank you!"

"I think you'll be a great asset to us here."

"I-I don't know what to say. Um, when do I start?"

"Training begins on Monday at 9 am."

"I'll be there."

"Great. And Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"There's no need to pull out the Marc Jacobs. You'll probably be sitting on the floor at some point and I'd hate to see you destroy something so lovely."

Kurt laughed in disbelief. She'd recognized who he was wearing.

"No, of course. No suits. I'll see you Monday, then."

"Have a great rest of your week."

"You too," Kurt breathed. He hung up and gave into the urge to squeal.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked. Kurt turned back around to face him and just barely resisted throwing himself into his arms.

"I got the job," he said, beaming so wide his face began to hurt. "I got the job!"

* * *

**I'm not completely happy with this, but I wanted to get it posted. Let me know what you think!**


	4. Part Three

The list of Ways to Respond When Someone Needs You is taken from a video I found featuring a training session at the Trevor Project. It is slightly modified with phrases I stole from sarahforaworldundeserving back when she still had an open ask on Tumblr.

******Warning:** This fic contains mentions of suicide and other things you might call a crisis center for. I tried not to be terribly specific, but if you're afraid it might trigger you, proceed with caution.

* * *

**Part Three**

Kurt was exhausted. He dropped his bag by the door and dragged himself into the kitchen where he could smell something delicious cooking.

"That better be the low fat no salt version," he said when he saw his dad hovering over the stove, shirt sleeves rolled up and tie loosened.

"Don't worry," Carole said, ducking out of the fridge. "It's one of the recipes from that heart-healthy cookbook you bought a few months ago. Your dad only just beat you in the door."

"Damn plane was delayed almost an hour. And of course we were all already boarded and strapped in. How was work?"

"It was good," Kurt said, dropping into one of the chairs around the kitchen table. "It was hard to hear some of the stuff we talked about, but it was good."

"Yeah? What did you talk about?"

"Methods for talking suicidal callers away from the edge. A lot of it's common sense, really, but some things will take a little while to get used to. The weepy lady didn't cry into my shoulder at lunch time today though, so that's a plus."

His dad gave him a confused look. "Why would she cry on your shoulder?"

"The first day of training we all had to go around and talk about things in our pasts that might help us empathize with potential callers. I guess something in my story struck a chord with her. She lost her son a couple years ago to a drug overdose; apparently he was trying to block out some issues at school and got carried away. She didn't get terribly specific and none of us felt comfortable enough to pry any further."

"Oh honey, that's terrible," Carole said.

Kurt nodded soberly but smiled. "She's doing well coping with it though. She gets the stuff we're learning about faster than any of us; it was just the first few days that she cried a lot. I think she'll be really good if she sticks with it."

"Yeah, and what about you?" his dad asked. "How are you handling it?"

Kurt took a deep breath to center himself. "It's hard sometimes, and it's a little weird being the youngest person there, but, for the first time in a while I feel… empowered. Like I can actually make a difference for once. So many of the things we're learning about would have helped me so much the past few years. I want to take what I'm learning and let other people know about it, let the kids in local schools know about it. I feel more than ever that I might actually be able to help people, you know?"

"I haven't heard you talk this passionately about something you weren't wearing since you brought Blaine around the first time," his dad smiled. Carole crinkled her eyes at them.

Kurt blushed. "It's exciting. I mean, I'm sure it'll continue to be really hard sometimes, but I think I can handle it. I'm actually really looking forward to taking people's calls in a couple of weeks. Is that weird?"

"I think it means you've found your place," Carole said softly. Kurt's dad looked at her and they shared a smile.

Kurt let the idea warm him through his entire body. He thought he might agree with her.

* * *

_**Ways to respond to someone who needs you:**_

**1.** _Listen_

**2.** _Accept their feelings_

**3. **_Show you care_

**4.**_ Talk about suicide directly_

**5.** _Ask about a plan_

**6.** _Tell a trusted adult_

**7.**_ Develop a __Safety Plan_

**8.** _Remind them that depressed feelings can change over time_

**9**_**.** Point out that death is final; suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem_

**10.**_ Remove anything dangerous and get them to a safe place_

* * *

"Kuurt! When are you coming to New York?" Rachel whined in his ear.

It was three months later and although Kurt had created a bank account with the title New York Savings Fund that he made deposits into from every paycheck, he had no immediate plans to uproot his new life. For once he felt perfectly content in everything he had.

"I told you," he said patiently. "Next year when I have plenty of money saved up and Blaine and I have both gotten into good colleges then I'll move. It makes no sense to leave now, though. Especially not when I'm still getting free rent at home."

"But I miss you. NYADA's just not the same without you here."

"Rachel, I wasn't going to be in NYADA with you anyway, remember?"

"So you can reapply for the spring semester. Come on, Kurt, you know you belong here with me."

"I like my job, though."

"Okay," she said, the tone of her voice clearly skeptical. "If you like it that much there are plenty of crappy call center jobs here in the city."

"Rachel, I don't have a crappy call center job. I mean, yeah, the décor's not all that great and the pay could be better, but I love working with the people I get to work with. I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile."

"But it's not your dream, is it? The lights, the applause; you lived off that in high school the same way I did. You can't just give it up."

"Dreams can change."

Rachel sighed. "Kurt, I know being rejected from NYADA was difficult and you have no idea how guilty I feel for getting in when you didn't, believe me, but you can't just give up your dreams because of one little setback."

"I'm not giving them up I'm just… readjusting."

"To work in a suicide prevention call center? Isn't that kind of heavy?"

"We don't just deal with suicide prevention. And of course it's heavy, but I can handle it."

"What about New York?"

"New York will still be there next year and the year after that and the year after that. Besides, Blaine's still stuck here for his senior year and it's only right that I be here for him now that I can. A little more time in Ohio won't kill me."

"Kurt, I know waiting for Blaine seems romantic now, but do you really think it's going to feel that way in another few months? I mean, what if you break up?"

Kurt glared and wished there were a way he could somehow transmit the force of it through his phone. "We are not going to break up."

"But what if you do? The last time Finn and I were together I was sure that was it, but look at us now. He hasn't even talked to me since we broke up."

Kurt took a deep breath and bit back the angry words he wanted to throw at her. "Look, I get that you're trying to help me, I really do, but at this point you're actually being the opposite of helpful. Leave it alone."

"Kurt-"

"Rachel, please. I'm done talking about this. I understand that you're excited about where you're at right now and that you only want what's best for me, but I'm already doing what's best for me, okay? I'm happy. I feel challenged and helpful and fulfilled almost every day and it's amazing. I'm not lying when I say that I like it. So, can we please talk about something else?"

Rachel was quiet for a few moments and Kurt could hear the sounds of traffic and people in the background. With a slight pang he wondered where in New York she was.

"Okay," she murmured finally. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. "Actually, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. Or someone, rather."

Kurt grinned. "Do tell."

* * *

Kurt held the stack of brochures behind his back and shot Blaine a challenging look as he approached his bed. Blaine grinned up at him fondly and leaned back on his hands.

"Kurt, we both already know where we're applying, I don't see why we have to make a ceremony out of it."

"This is our future, Blaine. If we apply to different places and wind up going to schools in different states we might have to deal with a long distance relationship for four years and I just don't know if I could handle that."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "All the schools are in New York City. I really don't see how much difference a twenty or forty minute train ride is going to make to our relationship. That's not really long distance as far as I'm concerned."

Kurt took a breath to steel himself and fanned his stack of brochures out on the bed. Blaine blinked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he picked up the one on top.

"Berkeley?"

"It's got the top rated sociology program in the country," Kurt said quietly.

Blaine paused, looking back and forth between Kurt and the brochure. "You want to major in sociology?"

"It's amazing working at We Care, Blaine. Today I had a guy call up just to tell me how much we've helped him the past few months. Last week I talked someone down from cutting herself. It felt so _good _to be able to do that."

"Kurt, a couple of days ago you were sobbing because of something someone told you in a call."

"That was someone in a really bad situation. They're not all like that. Hopefully that kid will be able to take something from the help we can give her and start to rebuild her life in the small ways she can right now until she can escape to something better."

He carefully sat on the edge of the bed, inching his hand toward Blaine across the covers. "It's hard sometimes, I've never said it wasn't, but I like being able to help people this way. It's… inspiring, the stories I get to hear, to be part of. I really think I want to do it as a career. I already asked Melinda to write me a recommendation I can send with my applications."

Blaine studied him and looked back down at the brochure in his hands.

"So, Berkeley."

Kurt smiled. "Mm. Or it could be an option for grad school. That's really where they shine anyway."

"Okay," Blaine said, his expression warming.

Kurt wiggled another brochure out of the pile. "I do still plan on applying to schools in New York too of course, so that doesn't necessarily change our plans, but this one could also be an option I'm actually okay with."

"Ohio State?" Blaine blinked.

"You like their football team, right?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"It's surprisingly high in the rankings for sociology considering it's Ohio. Besides, if we went there we could save a boatload of money paying in-state tuition and I could keep my job at We Care. Not to mention we could still come home for Friday night dinners a couple of times a month. And, you know, do laundry for free."

Blaine blinked at him a few more times before he started flipping through the Ohio State brochure. "You're being awfully cost-conscious all of a sudden."

"Well, the economy still sucks," Kurt shrugged. "Besides, it makes sense to save our money now so we can have a really amazing wedding in a few years. Or maybe just a really great apartment," he added when Blaine smiled up at him wryly.

Blaine shook his head vaguely. "Kurt, this is a lot to think about. I mean, for so long I thought we both had our hearts set on New York, getting out of Ohio… I'm kind of feeling a little blindsided here."

Kurt inched closer and ducked his head to meet Blaine's eyes. "Blaine, none of this is set in stone. That's why I wanted to talk about it now so it doesn't become a bigger issue later. All it means is that I'm more open to suggestions when it comes to geography than I was even a few months ago. There's no reason we have to move to New York right away. The way I see it, we can narrow things down to maybe a dozen schools between us, take a week or so to visit the campuses and then narrow it down even further from there based on where we felt most comfortable. If that's still New York, then great; if it's not, then we change our plans a little bit. I'm just asking you to think about it."

"Okay," Blaine said dazedly. He picked up a brochure for the University of Chicago. "You're sure you're not still set on New York?"

"For someday? Definitely. I loved it there and there's so much I want to share with you that we can only really do in New York. But for college? Maybe it would be a better idea to go somewhere else. Like I said, we can shop around a little."

Blaine smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. "Okay," he said smiling. "I'm not thrilled with the idea of staying in Ohio, but… yeah. Let's do some shopping."

* * *

Melinda went all out for Kurt's send-off party the next July. His coworker Javier made cupcakes and somebody managed to bring in catering for the entire daytime staff to share at lunch. Some of the kids in the program had even made him a lopsided banner.

Kurt was a sobbing mess by the time his last shift ended.

"If they give you any trouble at One Hope you let me know," Melinda told him. "The director is an old friend of mine from college. He can be a hardass sometimes, but his heart is in the right place."

Kurt sniffled and smiled at her. "Thank you. For everything. Really, I… I've learned so much from you and… This has been one of the best experiences of my life."

She smiled. "You're a really good kid, Kurt. You're passionate and driven and I just know you're going to go far in life. I'm proud to have worked with you."

Kurt blew his nose moistly into an already damp tissue. "I'm really going to miss working here."

"Nonsense," Melinda said. "In a few years' time you'll be running your own program and I'll be surprised if you're not among the best of us out there. I do want your promise that you'll come back and visit sometime, though."

"Of course."

"I'm proud of you," she said simply. "Not just of what you've done while working here, but of you. I feel like I've seen you grow into a man in the past year and I'm glad I got to watch it happen."

Kurt choked back a sob. "Thank you."

Before he knew it, the day was over.

Everyone hugged him before he left, Melinda the tightest of all. Kurt straightened his shoulders and walked out of the building with his head held high.

After more than a year of waiting and reassessing he now had no regrets. Kurt was going after his dream.

* * *

**A/N: **So, yeah. That last bit is a serious fast forward, but I really didn't want to get into too many details about his job at We Care. Should I have slowed it down a bit anyway?


End file.
